Thursday, July 1, 2010

At the Bridge

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there, I did not die."

At 2:17 AM this morning, I received a call from the Veterinarian Surgical Center of Utah. I knew it was bad before I answered the phone because you don't receive pre-dawn phone calls for no apparent reason.

The tech said quickly in hushed tones that Neala's breathing had worsened and they were trying to intubate her, but they were having a difficult time doing so. As she spoke, I think the situation changed for she said they were beginning CPR on Neala.

She asked if I could drive down there immediately and I did.

Neala was gone before I arrived... Her tiny body simply could take no more. They tried CPR, but her heart would not restart. She was ready to go to the Rainbow Bridge and like any other tortie, she decided when she was ready and she did it.

There are a million things I could say... Out of all of the outpouring of support, it is still a uniquely singular feeling to lose a pet you have loved. I was all alone in that room, the room we had visited Neala in before, holding her and rocking her, our little baby girl.

I asked on my drive back to the hotel why didn't we get any miracles? Why couldn't we simply get a miracle?

And yet, the answer came to me- we did. Neala and I had you. All of you.

From Amanda, Coury, and Szandora, to the Jacki, to Sammi, who talked to me incessantly on my cell phone as I held her tiny body and rocked, to the Catblogosphere who enveloped Neala, no questions asked, from the moment they read of her plight. To the people who volunteered their money for her surgery, to the people who volunteered their time looking for surgeons, to the people who sent us their love and prayers. We had our miracle- and it was found it all of you.

For you, the unknown people, to wrap Neala, not a stray found on the streets, but a baby Sphynx born into my hands, into your hearts- for you to wrap her into your lives as all of you have done- that was our miracle.

Thank you, from me, and from my little angel... Thank you all.

What can we ask of you in this time of need? Remember the symptoms of Persistent Right Aortic Arch, for those who breed- remember, these are lives we chose to bring into this world and we are responsible for them.

To my Neala... My little spunky, funny, sweet girl... Thank you for giving me the gift of your purr. Thank you for touching so many hearts. Thank you, sweet little girl, for reminding us all to continue to fight the good fight for all animals on this earth.

"Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die."


  1. Oh no. I am truly sorry. I am so so sorry. My heart goes to you and your family. My eyes are tearing up typing these words. I am so so sorry. Poor Neala - beautiful brave wonderful Neala. I'm truly sorry.


  2. Oh we are so very sorry. We send you comforting purrs...

  3. Oh no, my heart just dropped when I read this. I am so very, very sorry. Rest in peace, sweet Neala. You were very brave, and very loved.

  4. Oh no, that is so sad. We really thought like you did, that she would make it. But at least you tried your best to save her and Neala knows that. She is running around all happy now missing you but all healthy. Just remember all the good times and you are a special person to have helped her as much as you did.

  5. Oh no, We have been following and we are so sad and sorry this happened,

  6. We are heart broken for you, we are weeeping tears for Sweet Neala and you and your family. We are so sorry-so very sorry that she could not hold on. She fought hard to make it. You did your best for her and tried to save her. You and Neala were heroic. You are in our prayers.

  7. so sad and sorry to find this waiting for us this morning. our hearts are breaking, our eyes are leaking. wish there were something we could do or say to make it better, but we know from experience that only time and love can make it less painful. you have the love from all of us . . . now while time passes, just keep those shining good memories in your hearts.

    with heartfelt prayers & purrs for you & your family--
    the meowers, meower mom, & meower dad.

  8. we are so very very sorry. Neala was a beautiful baby girl and will be your most special angel. We wish that we could just make it all better for you but we know that only time will heal your heart. our eyes are leaking very much and our hearts are breaking for you.

    Sammy, Miles, Billy, Nicky and MeezerMomMary

  9. I am so sad to hear that news and am at a loss for words. Thank you so much for sharing Neala with us, we shall remember that sweet little angel forever. All our love, Brian, Sascha, Gracie, Zoe & Dolly.

  10. I don't know what to say other than I am so so so sorry. Neala was such a beautiful little girl and we know that you gave her a wonderful, happy, loving life. We know you must just be heatbroken, but know that we are all here to support you as much as we can. We are sending lots of comforting purrs and prayers to you and we are purring to our big brother Floyd at the bridge to protect her and take good care of her at the bridge - he is big but he loved the little girl kittens, so she will get a lot of special treatment from him for sure.

  11. We are so sorry to hear your sad news. You did everything you possibly could for your little girl and she knows how much she was loved. Run free and healthy at the Bridge Neala.

  12. We know how heartbroken you must be and send all our purrs and prayers to you all. You had tried so hard to save her and you couldn't have done more and she knew this and loved you dearly. She will soon make lots of friends at Rainbow Bridge and be happy and healthy there - she will always watch over you.
    Luv Hannah, Lucy and mum Sue xxx

  13. OMG, I did not expect to read this news this morning! My deepest condolences and hugs. You did everything you could to help this baby girl. She is healthy and whole now, purring and waiting at the Bridge. Hugs, purrs, and headbutts from our house.

  14. We are so sorry to hear about Neala. Her spirit is with you now. Even though she was here for a short while, she will be forever in your heart.

    Moe, Carmela, and Catmomma Diane

  15. We are so sorry to hear about Neala. Our heartfelt condolences to you.

  16. My dears, we are so sorry. Neala was a very special kitten, and will be missed by all of us. Please know that lots of purrs and kind thoughts are coming your way.

    Meepsie, Smokey and Old Mumma Jan

  17. I am in tears and at a loss for words. This one wee naked kitten brought about so much in her short life. She was indeed a miracle. Thank you for allowing us to be part of her journey. Little Neala, you are so loved! You found your purr for your Mommy, now share your sweet purrs with our friends that you meet across the Bridge. Give them a bit of that famous tortie -tude too! RIP xxxxx

  18. Oh no! We are so very sorry! WE are purring our hearts out for you today.

  19. We are so very sorry.
    ~ Bobbie and Bunch

  20. Mom's got leaky eyes - we is now sending out our hardest purrs and headbutts to your mommy Neala. If you happen to see our TT Girl and Fatty, they will show you around. We heard that Fatty took a bag of kitten kibble with her, we are sure she'll share. Soar high sweet Neala and shine down upon all that love you.

    Mom Laure

  21. We are so sorry for the loss of your beloved family member, Neala.

  22. We are so very sorry you have lost your baby girl. We are sending warm and loving thoughts your way. She was lucky to have had you and all your love.

  23. Oh, that is so so sad, and just couldn't happen... We can't stop crying and thinking of you, little Neala... We came to love you, and now we miss you so...
    Fly free little one, and watch over your wonderful meowmy... She was your angel on earth, and she needs an angel right now...
    We love you, and we will not forget you...
    Happy Cat Family

  24. I am so so sorry for your loss. RIP little angel baby Neala. You are free from your pain now sweet girl.

  25. We are so sorry for your loss. You certainly did all you could for her and we know you will miss her terribly. It is always heartbreaking to lose a furry. Purrs and tail wags from us. And a hug from Jan. We're all teary.

  26. Up until a week or so ago I didn't know she existed. Now I am grieveing for you like she was my own. One look at that face and she took over my heart and soul. We need to all take comfort in the fact that the Rainbow Bridge is a beautiful place and we will all be together again some day. My prayers are with you and your family.

  27. We are so sorry for your loss. **hugs and purrs**

  28. Mom started to read this while she was at work and had to come back because she was all leaky eyed. We're so sorry to hear that Neala has gone to the Bridge. We're glad we got to know her during her short time on earth. We know we'll all meet again at the Bridge someday.

    (((Hugs))) Purrs and soft headbonks.

    Sniffie and the Florida Furkids

  29. We are very, very sorry for your loss. Mom and I are crying right along with you, but also sending lots of hugs.

  30. Oh Mawm I am soooo sorry for you, and the WHOLE family, broke my heart this morning when I saw your post! This has been the 3rd furbaby this week in my blogs that has crossed the Rainbow, we are very sad here in AZ! I put a lil memory post for Neala on our blog and am wishing others to surround you w/hugz & purrz! We had all just gotten to know your sweet baby girl, she will be so missed.
    Love, hugs & purrz..
    Shelly, Murfee & Maizee xoxoxo

  31. I am so sorry for your loss. Your blog is full of emotion and full of love. I can tell how much you loved Neala. You did everything right, to try to help Neala get healthy. Prayers, Beth

  32. I'm so sorry - I was hoping for a different miracle to happen for Neala! I am purring for you in this sad, sad time.

  33. I am so deeply sorry to hear about your loss of beautiful angel Neala. Your title to your post says it all...Gotta Have wrote with such powerful words and feelings and everything you spoke of is so true. Sometimes there are no explanations that make any sense-- and sometimes we are given a glimpse of the why but it takes time. We hold you up in prayer and will light a candle in Neala's honor...

    Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Loss is our legacy. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide

    Abby's Mom Debra

  34. I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Words never seem adequate at a time like this. It always hurts so much when one of our four-legged family members leaves us and it seems even more unfair when they leave us too soon. Neala was lucky to spend her whole life safe and loved. I know she blessed your life and you blessed hers more than you will ever know.

    Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself right now. Neala would want that.

    Hugs and wags,
    Mayzie's mom (Amber) and Mayzie

  35. I am so very sorry to read that Neala is gone to the Bridge. I had such high hopes that she would have many years to enjoy her life.
    So, with tears, I say "farewell, Neala, and God Speed, litte one!"
    With purrs and soft snuggles,
    Anna and the gang (Taz, Runt and Charles)

  36. So very very sorry to hear this news. A sweet life ended way too early.

    Hugs and Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

  37. My heart is breaking for you. Her sweet purr: I am glad she was able to give it to you. Sending you purrs....Noll, Tiggy, Uncle Keaks and Luigi.

  38. I'm so very sorry our baby Neala didn't make it. And I feel like she was "our" baby in a way, because she drew us all together and showed us a glimpse of what is possible and what we can do if we all love.

    You did all you could to give her a future and you loved her. No one could ask for any more. Neala was blessed to have you for a mommy. That was her miracle. **big hugs and purrs**

  39. We are so sorry that things did not turn out how we all hoped and prayed for. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

    Boots, Ozzie & Brenda

  40. I'm so, so sorry for Neala's loss. I wish I had words of comfort. Just please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sending universal Light for healing, wishing you Blessings and Peace.

  41. The littlest girls can be the toughest fighters, but sometimes even they can't continue. You've taken Neala's pain into your own heart and a piece of her will always be with you.

    Sending our hugs & purrs,
    Mom Nora, Finnegan, Buddy & Jazzy

  42. There are no words to express how heartbreaking it is when our beloved four legged friends cross the bridge. Try to take comfort in the knowledge that Neala was blessed to be a part of your family, as you were blessed to be loved by her. Until you meet again... take care of yourself.

    Zona's mom and Zona

  43. What a beautiful tribute to such a wonderful girl. I'm so sorry for your loss!

  44. We are so sorry for your loss. Thank you for loving Neala as much as you did (and do). Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers.

  45. We are so, so sorry that sweet Neala had to venture on to the Bridge, our eyes are very leaky upon hear this sad news. You are in our most heartfelt thoughts and purrayers ...
    Hugs, purrs and headbutts,
    Sabrina, Sam, Simon and Momma Jan

  46. Cindy, I've watched silently thru FB as you and Neala have struggled thru this - I sit here crying for you both, her attitude and purrsonality came thru in your posts and your strength and determination came thru in your posts also. I'm so sorry to hear that she did not make it. Smoke and prayers going up for you and little Neala - I love the poem you posted - it's one of my favorites and seems to fit - may your heart heal quickly and may Neala's spirit help others that are struggling with PRAA - blessings to both of you.

  47. Our hearts are heavy today, we too were full of hope for our new friend. Now we share in your sadness, as we too were hoping for a miracle...but we now know the miracle was that she was here as long as she was, to show you love and to bring all of us together to hope...

  48. We are all so sad that Neala went to the Bridge. Sending soft purrs for you all.

    cats of wildcat woods

  49. We are so sorry to hear that sweet Neala went to the bridge. Mom is trying to hold back tears. It doesn't matter how long we are in your lives as long as we are in your heart. We know you will miss her terribly. She was such a brave and sweet fighter. We are purring for you.

    Tavi, Cody and Gracie

  50. We are so sorry to hear this! It is so difficult to lose a beloved pet. The poem you posted is wonderful - we hope you can find a bit of comfort in it.

    Many purrs and (((hugs))) from
    Franklin, Dobby, Tasha, and mom Katie

  51. We're so sorry for your loss...those words just don't seem enough but they is all we have. Words are never enough at these times, we send hugs, purrs and a wrapping of love for you.

  52. We are so sorry that beautiful little Neala had to leave you. We send gentle purrs and comforting thoughts ...

    'Kaika and his mom

  53. I'm a little late to all this as I had not read Neala's story before now. Such a sweet little girl. I'm so sorry you lost her. But what an outpouring of love and joy you had during her brief time.

    We're sorry for your loss, and we'll keep her and you in our thoughts and prayers.

  54. A Bodhisattva Prayer

    From now on, until I achieve enlightenment, I rely on you.
    Please give me wisdom to escape samsara.

    If I am supposed to get sick, let me get sick, and I’ll be happy.
    May this sickness purify my negative karma
    and the sickness of all sentient beings

    If I am supposed to be healed, let all my sickness
    and confusion be healed, and I’ll be happy.
    May all sentient beings be healed and filled with happiness.

    If I am supposed to die, let me die, and I’ll be happy.
    May all the delusion and causes of suffering of beings die.

    If I am supposed to live a long life, let me live a long life, and I’ll be happy.
    May my life be meaningful in service to sentient beings.

    If my life is cut short, let it be cut short, and I’ll be happy.
    May I and all others be free from attachment and aversion.

  55. Just from your amazing tribute it is so obvious that Neala could not have had a more loving family and nurturing home. May your special girl grow to a lovely beauty and enjoy all of the bounty on the other side of the Bridge...I know she will be waiting when it is your time to join her. Though nothing will take away the emptiness you are feeling now please find some comfort in knowing that Neala has touched so many hearts and will live within us all forever!

  56. We are so sorry that Neala is gone. Bless her little heart. We are sending you purrs and purrayers and hugs.

    Luf, Us and Maw

  57. Sending mournfull purrrrss & gentle headbutts.

    Our eyes arre leaking.

  58. So sorry to read this. You did the best you possibly could for Neala and I am sure she knows that.

  59. I'm so very sorry for you. It's a rough time ahead for you, but it will get easier with time,.


  60. we are heartbroken hearing that little neala has went on to the bridge. we were praying she would fully recover. even though she spent just a little time on this earth she touched so many lives. sending comforting purrs your way.

    kazoku neko

  61. We are very sorry for your loss -

    I know their is a six month old Siberian named Gracie who crossed before her time this past Sunday who is showing Neala 'a good time' -

    Bye for now -

    Khyra & Her Mom

  62. Our hearts are breaking over this news. We are so very sorry for your great loss. Neala was so precious and all of us out in the CB were pulling so hard for her. Please know you are in our thoughts and purrayers during this very sad time. (((hugs)))

  63. We're so sorry for your loss. We're sending purrs to you and your family during this difficult time.

    Angel, Isabella, Sadie and their mom Sharla

  64. We are their caregivers for such a short time...we love deeply, quick and with all our might! The cozy cottage is heartbroken for your loss of this precious tiny kitten girl. Your family must be so sad, I can only imagine. What can comfort at a time like this but only the memories of the short time shared together...only the love poured out for Neala from all of us who cared so much for her.
    I know you will see her little shadow in the morning dawn and evening dusk...and she will meow to you that it is well and softly purr in to your heart, I Love You...
    From the cozy cottage and Misses Peach

  65. I am so sorry to hear about Neala.

  66. I am so sorry that Neala did not make it. No Neala we will not stand on your grave and cry, we will celebrate the life you did have. Yes, the miracle of life that God gives, and you made someone very happy with the life you had. You will remain in their hearts forever. Prayers for you family. God Bless.


  67. We are so sad that Neala went to the Rainbow Bridge!! We will miss her!! You and your family is in our purrayers and thoughts during this time!! (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) from your TX furiends,

  68. we are so very sad to hear about sweet neala's passing. we are thinking of you and sending many hugs of comfort to you.

    the booker man, asa, and their mama

  69. We are so sad for you.
    MamaCat & the FurryPurries

  70. I couldn't read this without crying - I am so sorry for your loss :( Poor lil angel. She was given the greatest miracle - YOU! A human heart that cared for her enough to get this all started. I know how hard loss is especially with a new lil life that never had a chance to enjoy all the things but she was given the greatest gift of all by being born into your arms.

    Thank you for not giving up on her and fighting till the very end.


  71. I am so sorry for your loss. Neala fought as hard as her little body could. She will forever be your sweet little angel. I can't help but cry. May she play peacefully amongst the others at the
    Rainbow Bridge and keep my little Tiberius company.

  72. We are so sorry that dear little Neala did not make it. She was a precious little life, a fighter. May your beautiful memories of her bring smiles to you again soon.

    Love & rumbly purrs to you
    Run free Neala sweetheart

    Whicky Wuudler
    & Gerry

  73. We are so sorry that your sweet little Neala didn't make it. We were so hoping for a happy outcome.

  74. rest peacefully sweet Neala.
    Our family will be purring and praying for all of you. We are just as crushed as all of you are.


  75. We have just learned about Neala and we are so sad that she had to leave you so soon. We are sending you our best purrs at this difficult time...

  76. We are so sorry for your loss. youre in our prayers.

  77. I am so very sorry. I really don't know what else to say. She was such a dear little kitty and we were all hoping so hard that she would pull through.

  78. We are so sorry for your loss. We are sending you soft comforting purrs during this sad time.

  79. Sweet Neala, we are glad we had a chance to know you IF only for a short time. We wishes it could have been longer. We are sending comforting purrs to your Mom.

  80. Im so sorry for your loss. You would think the vet and their office workers would know what they are doing by now. Its sad that you lost your sweet Neala because of a stupid mistake. I too lost my sweet Edgy because the vet didn't know what he was doing.

    Again, Im so sorry for your loss.

  81. Oh, I'm so sad, and so sorry for the little honey-cat! :o( My sweet Violet will look after her now, along with all of our other beloveds that have crossed over. (((((neala)))))